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Net Loss
May 7th, 2006After a full week of socialization, I’ve had my fill of people. I am content to sit here before my computer, quietly, listening to the rain.
At the end of JazzFest, I’d see people that I knew at a distance, and correct my course, before I had another bout of reminicances, before there was more catching up to do.
This morning, I’m approaching crackers. I don’t want to listen. I do not want to talk. To speak is to give voice to anxiety. Touch sets a collapse in motion.
I retreated. Took some sleep. Took a walk. Ate Coop’s Cajun pasta, not at the bar, but at a table, all alone.
It appears at first to be owing to the fact that I survive in isolation. Computer programming is how I afford myself. When I am away from the desk to long, I fear that I’ll return to find bottom line drenched in red.
Then as it subsides, it appears to be something fundimental. I sense that something corrosive and ever present that the recent marathon of socialization exposed.
Socialization is bad for me for some reason, or rather that it is bad for some part of me.
That most human interaction is, for me, a net loss.
Intuition tells me that it will not do.
Intiution tells me to start with, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. That hopeless prayer of self-conciousness has been a thorn in my side or quite some time.
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Comments 
What do you mean when you say “Intuition tells me that it will not do”?
That the aforementioned net loss will not do? I’m confused.
As for first impressions, well, they’re just FIRST impressions. I distrust them. I’ve seen them be way off-base any number of times. Unless of course the first is the only opportunity one has to make an impression…
I’m too tired to write coherently on this. Look for my flickr pix of the Powderhorn Park May Day Celebration. Met a girl (with the green N.0. IS LOVE shirt) who’s half Cajun and half Swedish. Nice combo, huh? We’re going to get together with another Cajun friend of hers for drinks soon. Talk about missing Louisiana (but not too much when the weather’s this perfect and there are fun things to do here).
Chilll…………….
The weather is still near perfect in New Orleans. It gets a bit hot and summery. Turned on the air once or twice, but it doesn’t stay on.
I’m surpised that the unit in my apartment works.
The net loss will not do, no.
First impressions, the wall-eyed obsession of success literature.
Jenny - Have a Coke and a smile?
Jenny - No. You already told me the shirt. So no photos of the Cajun/Sweede?
Sorry! Had some Flickr problems again after I wrote that email and was too busy cleaning up the mess in my house from the yard sale and a Karla weekend to do it earlier today. Will post them tonight after yoga.
No Coke. Pepsi. Actually, NO Diet Pepsi for me, till June. Trying to kick the soda habit.
The good news is I don’t need a root canal. I am the proud owner of a new temporary crown, as of about two hours ago. I’m starting to be able to feel my tongue again… One reason I do love it here sometimes: government subsidized health care for starving artists and other semi-poor people. Why couldn’t it work on a national scale, I often wonder?
Bite something Minnesotan for me.